alice's wonderland

The Working Mom

2012-01-09T08:37:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling pretty horrible today. Home with sick Elliot AGAIN. I have missed 7.5 days of school this year because of sick kids and my own health issues. This has been a difficult year. Days like this give me a crazy out of control feeling because I know there's nothing I can do about this. Little Elliot needs me, and my kids will always be my first priority. But it's impossible for me to erase my strong work ethic and my desire to do the best I can do at my job. I am torn between the two. I worry about how this will appear to my colleagues and my bosses. And then I feel bad about being a part-time mom, one who isn't fully there for my children, one who sees them as an inconvenience or a burden. This is not me.

If I could go back and do it again, would I have made the sacrifices necessary for me to be a stay-at-home mom? At this point it's too late -- we have a mortgage that requires two incomes. We wouldn't have been able to afford much. We would be living in a small house, if we were even able to afford any house at all. We wouldn't be able to travel, we wouldn't be able to save for our future like we are now.

And then I have the series of things I use to make myself feel better. My excuses. The summers -- our kids will get to spend every summer with BOTH parents since we are both educators. I tell myself daycare will help my kids be more socially adjusted and ready for school. I tell myself that I'm really not well suited to be a stay-at-home mom and that my kids are better off in daycare where they will have structure and stimulation that I wouldn't be strong enough to give them. I tell myself...

I try not to listen when I hear people say that sending kids to daycare is like allowing someone else to raise my kids. That just hurts too much. But as much as I try to tune it out, I find myself googling things like "daycare effect on children" or "stay-at home mom better."

I am stuck in this terrible middle ground. I have a career that takes me away from my children. As much as I lie to myself, I am not the best parent I could be. And yet, I AM a mother. I won't deny that, and I will ALWAYS put my children before my job. So I will never win Teacher of the Year either. I am forced to be mediocre -- pulled in a dozen different directions each day, not able to give anything the attention it deserves, doing a lack-luster, average job at everything.

I don't want my kids to remember me as the mother who didn't have time for them. Or who didn't have energy to play with them, listen to them. But I am exhausted at the end of every day. Every ounce of energy has been spent, and there's nothing left. I am a firm believer that a person needs to take care of herself first. As a counselor, I tell students this each and every day. I tell them that they can't be any good for anyone else if they don't spend time making sure that their own needs are met first. When I try to apply this to my own life, I feel guilty. How dare I take time for myself, MORE time away from my children, when I put them in daycare 5 days a week?

I don't take care of myself, and I beat myself up for every choice I make. When I don't work out, I am a "fat, lazy slob" and when I do slip away for a bike ride, I am "selfish." These are the things I tell myself. I recognize this, and I know I'm not being fair to myself.

I am probably being a bit too honest here. I know these words will make people uncomfortable, and maybe this vent would be better suited for a private journal. But I don't have one of those, and I really need to get this off my chest.

Our Little Photog

2012-01-08T10:55:00.002-06:00

Alice loves to take pictures with my camera, and she's really not that bad! We were being silly last night, and this is what she captured. Not so sure I should share the last one with the world, but oh well.

Moon

2012-01-04T20:10:00.002-06:00

In November, Elliot had tubes put in his ears due to chronic infections and fluid build up. He has been a drastically different boy ever since. Much happier, and a lot more interested in learning words. Elliot certainly doesn't have the verbal skills Alice had at his age, but he has been learning so fast! He went from having a vocabulary of literally 10-15 words in November to being able to repeat almost any word we say. He has a bit of a "mush mouth," but he is beginning to improve his enunciation. He's learning animal names and the sounds animals make, he's singing songs like "A, B, C, D" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," he like to tell me what cars, trucks, and choo-choos say, when I point at pictures in his books, he can tell me what they are... really, it's amazing what two months can do!

The very last part of Elliot's bedtime routine, right before I lay him in his crib and tell him, "Nigh-nigh Little Dude, Mommy loves you," we sit in his dark room on his window seat, and we look out his window. (He even knows the word "window.") We talk about the lights of the cars and trucks that we can see down below in Council Bluffs, we listen for choo-choo noises in the distance, and we usually sing "Twinkle Twinkle" to top it all off before we hug and kiss goodnight.

Tonight the moon is large and bright in the sky, and Elliot was transfixed by it... it was almost as if he was in awe of its beauty. He sat on my lap and stared at the moon with the most contented look on his face. He held onto my sweater with his warm little hand, and we just enjoyed the moment -- Elliot, Mommy, and the big bright moon. As we sat there, I'm not sure why, but I got choked up and teary-eyed. He is such a precious, sweet little boy. Once I was done being an emotional sap, I taught him the word. "Moo," he repeated after me. And then I put him in his crib. He asked for his "Eh-mo" and he snuggled up into his blanket. Its moments like these that make all of the tantrums and whining worth it.

Breathe

2012-01-03T12:34:00.002-06:00

The seemingly "in" thing to write about on blogs this new year is the ONE WORD that will define 2012 for you. As I've read other people's words, inevitably, without even thinking about it, the word that pops into my head each and every time is "breathe." This word is fitting for me on so many levels. I get paralyzed sometimes, frozen with stress, anxiety, insecurity, inferiority, sadness... When I really pay attention to what's happening on a very literal physical level with my body, I realize I'm not taking full breaths. I am breathing quickly with shallow breaths that don't fill my lungs completely. When I recognize this and force myself to breathe deeply, my lungs fill up, the oxygen makes its way through my system, and I relax a little bit and then a little bit more.

On more of a figurative level, BREATHE means for me to experience life more deeply. To breathe it all in. There's nothing I love more than to stop in the middle of a hike at high altitude, mountains towering up on all sides of me, and take one of those really full breaths that fills your lungs completely. To smell the pine trees. Time seems to stop, colors are more vivid, sounds of birds are magnified, and everything is perfect for just that one moment. Or, when I'm going through the motions of getting my child ready -- changing diapers, giving baths, taking one soiled outfit off and sliding on another one, chasing after the giggling naughty little stinker, scooping him up into my arms, and breathing in the sent of his warm little head. That moment is heaven. And I remember why I do everything in my life. The things that are really important. And the things that really aren't important at all.

I also want to BREATHE more this year at times when I might have spoken too quickly in the past. I want to take a deep breath, bite my tongue, and bide my time as the moment passes. Or until someone else says the thing that I wanted to say, and they can take the heat for it instead of me. I want to breathe and let the anger and frustration leave my system as I exhale. Because it really isn't worth it. And then I can do the things that need to be done, I can pack up my bag, turn off the light in my office, lock the door, walk out to my car. I can breathe the crisp winter air as I drive home to the people who are worth all of my time and my words. I can snatch them into my arms, squeeze them tightly, feel how tiny and human they are, and I can breathe deeply and be thankful.

2012

2012-01-02T15:07:00.002-06:00

Well, the December Photo Project didn't go so well this year. That's okay -- I spent oodles of time with my two little ones, and that's where my time is best spent, I think.

I really would like to keep this blog up to date. The kids change so fast. They say and do silly, cute things almost every day, and it will be impossible to remember these things unless I write them down. Elliot has been such a little stinker lately. Getting into everything! This morning I found him in the bathroom giggling as the faucet poured water all over his sister's favorite stuffed pig. And yesterday, he did this:

I love my little stinker, nonetheless!

December Photo Project 2011 - Day Eleven - Fourteen

2011-12-14T11:03:00.002-06:00

I've been taking pictures all week, but I've been lazy about uploading them. I got a call at work today from Elliot's daycare -- he has a high fever, so I am home having a sick, cozy day with him. I figured it would be a good time to upload some pictures!

December 11:

Justin being a weirdo while I try out different settings on my camera.

December 12:

Wrapping Christmas Presents!

December 13:

Both of the kids love pickles... kind of bizarre.

December 14:

Poor, sick Elliot! 103.9 fever, waiting for our doctor's appointment.

December Photo Project 2011 - Day Ten

2011-12-10T22:10:00.003-06:00

I attempted to take the yearly Christmas card photos today. At 21 months, Elliot was not exactly very tolerant of this process. There was lots of squirming, running, whining and crying. We eventually got a couple passable shots, but there were lots of "out takes" like the one below.

December Photo Project 2011 - Day Eight

2011-12-08T19:52:00.003-06:00

I love making snowflakes! And it's snowing outside; that sort of adds to the fun.

December Photo Project 2011 - Day Seven

2011-12-07T19:02:00.003-06:00

As you can see from this first picture, Elliot was in dire need of his first haircut. I was holding out because I knew that once we cut his hair, he wouldn't be my little "baby" anymore. He was such a good boy for the haircut! And I think he looks pretty cute with his big-boy haircut.

December Photo Project 2011 - Day two, Three, Four, and Five

2011-12-05T19:48:00.002-06:00

Trip to MN to visit my sister and her awesome new apartment in St. Paul, returned home to our first snow of the year and my sweet Elliot boy who I missed so much, made holiday treats with my sweet pea who loves to sneak chocolates as she "helps" me.

December Photo Project 2011 - Day One

2011-12-04T17:36:00.004-06:00

For whatever reason, this year has been kicking my butt. It could be the raising two kids part of my life, or it might be my full-time job that has been demanding much more than 40 hours of my time per week, or it could be one of the myriad of other mare's nests that have been demanding my time in recent months. I have been so preoccupied with just simply getting by that I failed to notice that December was starting. I have participated in the Demember Photo Project for a few years and have really enjoyed it, so despite the insanity that is my life right now, I decided to dive in a bit late a document my life for another December.

On December 1, the Photo Project was completely off my radar. I did, however, happen to take a picture that day. Recently, I decided that I had to start doing something about our vacant front room. We moved into this house in November of last year, and I have done literally nothing to make this house our own. We had less square footage at our last house, so I have space to fill! I needed to go to Nebraska Furniture Mart to pick up an end table that was on back order. I had a little extra time, so I decided to look at furniture. I have a VERY hard time making decisions of any sort, and choosing furniture is no exception. It just seems so final -- we aren't really in the habit of replacing furniture in this household unless it is completely work out or has ceased to meet our needs, and even then we'll often live with things for years longer than we should. Anyway, I walked through the store, this chair caught my eye, and I impulsively purchased it without much of a second thought. Its upholstery and shape are really "me," so I haven't experienced any buyers remorse.

I took this picture with my phone to show my sister, Jessica, who recently moved to MN. I'm used to discussing every small purchase with her, and usually she's been able to just come over to see my new stuff. I will miss her now that she's not living 15 minutes away from me, but the move was a good opportunity for her!

I will catch up on Dec 2-4 tomorrow. I'm not going to be too hard on myself this year if I fall behind!

Diving In

2011-01-09T19:57:00.004-06:00

We still have rooms with unpacked boxes. Lots of unpacked boxes. However, I think I've been bitten by the renovation bug. I've started looking at paint colors, furniture, artwork and nicknacks. I have decisions to make. BIG decisions.

The one decision that's keeping me from actually starting is the issue of our 1989 wood trim. Our house has LOTS of wood trim. It's nice wood, but there's lots of it. In some rooms it works. The kitchen works. The family room with its paneling and wood burning stove, to a certain extent, works. It's in the other rooms, the rooms with oodles and oodles of taupe wall paper, where I question whether the trim works. The alternative would be painting the trim white. This is what's in style right now, but I worry about it because once it's done, there's really no going back.

I think what I'm going to have to do is dive into a room. Paint it, decorate it. Once it's done, it should be obvious if the 1989 wood trim is going to work with my sometimes offbeat color palate. I am going to start with the kids' rooms. Other rooms that will get quick attention will be the dining room and formal living room (a.k.a. Christy's office). Soon to follow will be the master bedroom. The kitchen will get a new paint color, nothing else. The basement and hallways will probably be last. Bathrooms are also low on the priority list.

So, I will start with Alice's room. I have found a color I love called "Grape Hyacinth."
And I found some art at Pottery Barn that I'd like to copy somehow.

Who knows when I will actually get the gumption to dive into this project, but I think I am going to be a little bit edgy until I get started. Justin and the kids would probably appreciate it if I started soon!

Sweet Pea and Sloppy Doodle

2011-01-02T14:57:00.002-06:00

When Alice was a "fresh baby" as I tend to jokingly call newborns, Justin decided that we had to come up with a term of endearment for our little Alice. He quickly settled on Sweet Pea, and we've never looked back. She will even respond to us if we use "Sweet Pea" in place of her name. "Sweet Pea, will you bring me the remote control?" and off she goes.

When Elliot was in utero, we tried to come up with a nickname for the little boy. Justin wanted to call him "Little Dude," which I didn't really like. I HATE it when people call their boys "Little Man," so I settled on "Little Guy" as a sort of compromise. All of these names are very boring, but we wanted him to have a fun name that kind of matched Sweet Pea. Silly, I know, but that's the way we roll in the Heckman house.

A couple months ago, not sure when and not sure how or why, Alice decided she would start calling Elliot "Sloppy Doodle." At first she did it to be cute and funny. She loves to get a laugh from her Mommy and Daddy. But the name has stuck! She even uses it when she's tattling on her brother -- "Sloppy Doodle took my toy!" Justin and I don't use the name nearly as frequently as Alice, but it seems to be catching on for us too.

So, Sweet Pea and Sloppy Doodle it is then, I suppose?

Sweet Pea making a huge mess.

Sloppy Doodle demonstrating two of the ways he likes to help Mommy get her daily exercise.

Best "Feel Good" Photos of 2010

2011-01-01T22:28:00.004-06:00

January:

February:

March:

April:

May:

June:

July:

August:

September:

October:

November:

December:

These are NOT resolutions! "Goals" for 2011

2011-01-01T10:07:00.004-06:00

I'm not good at sticking with new year's resolutions, but I have some goals for myself for 2011. I don't want to put a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish everything on this list, but these are the things that have been running through my head the last couple weeks.

Things I want to do more of in 2011:

Read books. I know if I were to take time before bed I could get through a dozen or so books a year. I surf the interwebs to wind down at night. I used to read books for this same purpose. It wouldn't be too hard to make the switch. If I could break the internet addiction, that is.
Cook. I want to try out new family-friendly recipes. Justin and I did a fairly good job of cooking a variety of meals before Alice came along, but her picky toddler taste buds sort of threw a wrench into things. This year's job/move fiasco further complicated things. So nowadays we eat about 10 different things, and Justin does the bulk of our cooking. AND we eat out 1-2 times a week. Fast food mostly, but still we'd like to cut this out. I really want to share the cooking burden with Justin, and I want to work to discover some meals Alice will devour. She's a good little eater when we find the right things.
Take pictures. And not just snapshots. My dad bought me a user-friendly manual for my camera. I want to read it cover-to-cover, and I want to become more adept at using the manual settings on the camera. I know I already take decent photos, but I want to take my photography to a whole new level.
Photo Documentation. I want to get my office/scrapbook/craft space set up so I can work on the kids' scrapbooks. I also fell behind on our family's photo albums, and I'd like to catch up. I'm stuck on March of last year, so I have a ways to go!
Lose 8 More Pounds. Or 18! Last summer I joined a gym and counted calories. I lost 20 pounds fairly quickly. Then the whirlwind that has been this school year began. I stopped going to the gym, but luckily I haven't gained the weight back. I've gotten a bit "fluffy" since I lost some of the muscle I built, but I've maintained my "normal" BMI, which was my first goal for my weight loss journey. 8 more pounds would bring me down to my best high school weight. Another 10 on top of that would bring me to the weight I have never been but have always dreamed about being.
Be Nice. When I get stressed, I tend to take it out on the people I love most. This is probably my nastiest habit. I loathe this behavior, and I want SO BADLY to change it. I get downright irrational when I go into my crazy "bitchface" mode, and it's like I'm an out of control train -- CAN.NOT.STOP. I need to do a better job of recognizing the onset of this crazy mood. I need to listen to my self-talk and train myself to respond differently to the stressors in my life. Easy to say, SO difficult to implement.

DPP Wrap Up

2010-12-30T20:51:00.003-06:00

I sort of stalled out with the DPP. I'd like to share some images from the rest of winter break. My little sister, Amy, has been in the hospital since last Wednesday, and we've all been worried sick about her and her unborn son. So, Christmas was a bit different this year. We made the most of it, but it just wasn't the same without Amy and Doug here to share in the fun.

We ended up doing Christmas Eve dinner at our house with the Mills fam (minus Amy and Doug -- sniff, sniff), and we headed off to Kearney to be with the Heckmans on Christmas day. We ended up really enjoying doing it this way -- it gave us the ability to spend Christmas morning alone at our house to do Santa gifts with the kids -- so I would imagine we might do something similar in years to come.

Alice was a riot on Christmas this year. She remembered Christmas from last year, but she was a bit fuzzy on all of the details. When she realized that she was going to get multiple presents, she was pretty stoked. On Christmas morning she came into our room and asked us if she had to go to school. We told her, no, it's Christmas. She asked us then if it would be okay for her to play with her new toys after breakfast. We had to remind her that Santa might have come. She got excited, but she didn't really "get it" until we went downstairs to see the tree. Silly kid!

Elliot was more interested in the bows on the presents than the actual gifts. He did, however, surprise me very much with his ability to actually PLAY with his new toys. Since he isn't very verbal, I don't usually give him very much credit in the "smarts" category. He impressed me with his dexterity -- he was able to pick up his new toy cars and maneuver them into the ramp that came with them. He was able to push the large truck around the room, and he danced when the truck played music. I was in awe! I was also surprised by how much he loves the books he got from Jessica. I've never really read to the poor kid. We read to Alice EVERY day, but we do it after Elliot goes to bed each night. When I sat him down on my lap, he reached out for the pictures, and enjoyed turning the pages. I felt a little bad about it, like maybe I've been neglecting him for a couple months! He's definitely a bigger boy than I thought he was!

December 23

2010-12-23T16:11:00.001-06:00

Folding five loads of kid laundry. Merry Christmas.

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December 22

2010-12-22T20:12:00.002-06:00

I bought a new lens last summer, but I was too chicken to try it out until now. I decided to break open the box today even though I told myself when I bought it that I wouldn't use it until I understood the manual settings on my camera. Well, between the new job and the new house and running after two little ones, there just hasn't been a lot of time lately. I took these photos using the "Portrait" setting on my camera and my new 50 mm lens.

December 21

2010-12-21T23:06:00.003-06:00

Tied for fourth at Pub Quiz.

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December 20

2010-12-20T18:08:00.002-06:00

My handsome husband.

Elliot in the tub.

December 19

2010-12-19T21:29:00.001-06:00

Writing Christmas cards, drinking beer, eating chocolate. Life could be worse. 2 more days of work until break! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

December 18 - Getting Back on Track

2010-12-18T20:10:00.003-06:00

So, it was a busy week, and I sort of fell off the posting wagon. I also got a little tired of having to respond to a set prompt everyday. It did give me something to write about everyday, but sometimes I just wasn't excited about the assigned topic. I still check the Radvent topic everyday, but there was only one day all week that I wish I had taken the time to write -- the topic was "Reading."

So, I'm going to start fresh and attempt to post a picture everyday. The semester is winding down, and I only have two more days before break. I still have to do all of my adult Christmas shopping, but I got the kids taken care of this week. I went into Toys R Us with an empty cart and no idea what I wanted to buy, and I walked out with my shopping done. I was very impressed with my decision making abilities -- usually this is my handicap in situations like this! Hopefully I'll have time to post this week.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas. Alice is so much fun to watch and listen to this year. She finally understands the magic of Christmas. Today we made Christmas cookies, and Alice thoroughly enjoyed the first two steps -- making the dough and using the cookie cutters -- but she was pretty burned out on the process by the time we got to decorating the cookies.

December 13 - Poop

2010-12-13T20:39:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to write a blog post today. I'm in a BAD mood. Elliot was very grumpy tonight because he can't seem to poop, and Alice refused to poop because we're out of her "reward" fruit snacks. Sometimes my kids' poop issues really drive me crazy. Today was one of those days.

I took Alice to get her haircut. She really enjoyed it, and she looks so much cuter. The stylist said when she was done, "There, now you look like an Alice." She was long overdue for a cut. Maybe now I will focus on getting my own haircut. Maybe not.

December 12 - Procrastination

2010-12-12T20:22:00.002-06:00

A silly girl, wearing her brother's pants, in Mommy and Daddy's messy bedroom.

So, today I'm supposed to write about procrastination. I've avoided the Radvent topics for the last couple days because they really didn't strike a chord with me. This topic, however, hits a little too close to home. I am, and always have been, a procrastinator.

I can recall numerous nightmarish instances in my life where I stayed up for hours on end working on projects that I had known about for weeks, sometimes months. Once during my undergrad years I worked on a project for 24 hours straight, printed it out, and drove it to campus to turn in in just minutes before the deadline.

The really sucky thing about this habit of mine is that it stems from my perfectionism. I get frozen with fear that I won't be able to do the task as well as I would like, I avoid the task, have anxiety and guilt about not working on the task, and then work feverishly in the end to get the task done. I usually do a wiz bang job, and I tell myself that I "work best under pressure," but the irony is that I would do a much more "perfect" job if I would just dive into the task without worrying about doing it perfectly.

I procrastinate in all sorts of situations. House cleaning, paying the bills, doing the laundry, unpacking boxes, grading papers (when I was a teacher), etc., etc. Usually if tasks seem "too big" I will put them off because the thought of leaving something unfinished fills me with dread. Instead, I live with the task looming over my head, which is anxiety inducing in and of itself.

I HATE my procrastination, and I do think I'm getting better. Having kids has made me more human, I think. It's added another element to my already overfull life. Now I know that if I want to get everything done, nothing is going to be absolutely perfect. And, I'm starting to be okay with that. Laundry doesn't have to be folded perfectly, we just have to have clean clothes to wear to work and school. Sometimes stuff just has to get done.

December 11 - catching up on DPP but not writing today.

2010-12-11T16:16:00.002-06:00

View of our deck just as the snow began to fall this morning. It's been fun watching the birds at the feeder today. We had a family of 3 Cardinals, our male Red Bellied Woodpecker, and some new crested birds that we identified as Tufted Titmouses (Titmice?).

Alice went outside for a bit, but the windchill is in the negative teens and twenties. She didn't last more than a few minutes. She has enjoyed riding her Schwinn in Justin's workroom, but she has also watched WAY.TOO.MUCH.TV. We're all a bit stir crazy, I think. I created our Christmas cards and yearly photo calendar, so I'm feeling somewhat accomplished.

It's still snowing. We'll see if this "blizzard" actually pans out.

December 9 - Inspiration

2010-12-09T20:18:00.003-06:00

Elliot's pre-bed naked play time. For today's DPP, I couldn't choose just one. He's just too cute.

Alice came home from school today with a drawing of a whole person -- head, eyes, mouth, arms, legs. AND she wrote half her name! "Ali" She did, however, write it backwards - "ilA" I guess we'll have to explain to her that words go the other direction.

Today's post is supposed to be about my inspirations. I'm not feeling very "inspired" by this prompt, but I suppose I will list some bullet points detailing the people and things that inspire me.

My kids inspire me to see the world in a simplistic way where everyday things can be exciting and wondrous. They help to keep me in check and remind me daily what things are actually important in life.

Justin inspires me to live more freely. He has taught me to be more daring and to realize that I am capable of most things if I believe that I can do them. Justin has helped me to appreciate my world and my life more than I ever had known how to before I met him.

My mom and dad, mother-in-law and father-in-law, and grandparents inspire me to be the best parent I can be. To be present for my children, to challenge them, to believe in them, to show them what the world has to offer. I can only hope I can give my children the same loving environment I had as a child and that I know Justin grew up in. Their example reminds me to be patient when the kids frustrate me and has demonstrated for me how to hold high expectations while maintaining a nurturing and loving relationship.

My sister Jessica inspires me to see beauty in the world that surrounds me -- to notice the details of things I see everyday. I admire her photography and her the tireless detail of her prints. The color combinations in her wardrobe inspire me to broaden my horizons and not be so afraid of mixing colors in my own clothes and home.

My sister Amy inspires me to be more adventurous. I admire her ability to move far away from home and to have such a successful beginning to her teaching career. Her ability to handle new situations so smoothly allows me to see that change doesn't have to be scary. In many ways, Amy helped me have the confidence to make the move away from Central and Omaha -- two places where I had become way too comfortable.

I am inspired by people who dream big, who don't let reality scare them away from attempting an idea that will make the world a better place, and who don't think being idealistic is a character flaw.

I am inspired by people who stand up for what is right and good no matter how loud or scary the opposition might be.

I am inspired by the beauty of the natural world. I am at peace when I am surrounded by trees and water and clean crisp air. Time in nature gives me perspective on my life, allows for a spiritual cleansing of sorts. I have come to count on summer vacations in the mountains, away from the city for reflection and rejuvenation.

I am inspired by organized and asthetically pleasing spaces. I love looking at pictures of people's recently organized offices or craft areas. When my own house is clean, I feel like I have more energy and desire to complete necessary tasks.

December 8 - Creativity

2010-12-08T19:21:00.003-06:00

I used to be an overtly creative person. I wore funky clothes, I had an edgy haircut, I doodled in the margins of my notebooks, I was an "art kid." I look back now at the drawings I did in high school and college, and they seem so foreign to me. It's almost like I'm not even the same person who spent hour upon hour scribbling my prismacolor colored pencils down to nubs. Sometimes I think about buying a sketchbook and some drawing pencils and attempting to draw a portrait of Alice or myself, but I become frozen with apprehension before I even begin. Learning how to draw well is like learning how to see the world differently. It was a skill that took time and effort to learn, and it is a skill that fades with time. I know I could learn how to draw well again, but I'm a bit afraid to see what my attempts would look like in the beginning.

In some ways my creativity still shines through. I still enjoy making things look pretty. I enjoy using colored uniball pens to write in my planner and make to do lists on post-it notes. I choose kitschy items to display in my home -- paul bunyan and babe the blue ox salt and pepper shakers, bookends made of lucite plastic grapes, a 70's owl painting. I carry a lunchbox shaped like the Mystery Machine. I collect odd Christmas ornaments, like the carrot and corn farmers pictured above.

I am not going to give up on my creativity. It is still there, and I will draw upon it from time to time, especially with the kids. Someday, when I don't have small children needing every ounce of my energy, maybe I'll draw and paint again. Until then, I will let my "freak flag fly," as they say, in all of life's little things.

December 7 - Playing

2010-12-07T19:58:00.002-06:00

Alice isn't very much into playing. She would rather be reading books, doing puzzles, or making projects. When she does play, she like to make-believe using her Yo Gabba Gabba or Scooby Doo figurines. She likes her doll house, her play kitchen, and her Lego's. She is not very into dolls.

I think I was pretty similar to her. I did not like Barbies or other dolls, and I don't think I became attached to toys the same way I remember my sisters playing with theirs. I loved playing outside. I remember when we lived in Wisconsin making concoctions of rain water, "worms" from the Dogwood tree, sand, bark, and other things found in the woods behind our house. When we moved to Omaha, I remember playing in the open lots around our house. Late in the summer the weeds would grow taller than me, and my neighborhood friends and I would stomp them down to create mazes and multi-roomed forts. When I was indoors, I spent most of my time reading and rereading the books on my shelves. I loved the Boxcar Children, Ramona, Judy Blume books, the Baby Sitter's Club, Christopher Pike books, R.L. Stine, and many others that didn't fall into series.

It doesn't really matter to me what the kids do in their free time as long as they're not rotting their minds in front of the TV or video games. We do let Alice watch TV, and sometimes she probably watches too much TV. On the other hand, I know Justin and I both make an effort to engage her in activities that foster learning and exploration. I hope she gets a healthy balance so she learns to choose other things over TV, computer, and video games. I suppose only time will tell.

December 6 - Adventuring

2010-12-06T20:21:00.004-06:00

Instead of taking time today to have an adventure, since I was working all day and then met a friend after work for coffee for a couple hours, I will write about the best "adventures" of 2010. I define the term adventure very loosely. Pre-children, Justin and I were fond of taking REAL adventures. 500 mile bike rides, 100 mile backpacking trips, cross-country roadtrips... you get the picture. Now a days, an adventure is a trip to the zoo or a drive in the country or visit to the local swimming pool. I think I'll go month-by-month, just for kicks.

January - Transitioning Alice to her big-girl bed.

February - Taking Alice to the circus the day after Elliot's due date in an attempt to "walk the baby out." It didn't work.

March - Giving birth to Elliot Alexander Heckman.

April - Maternity Leave.

May - Alice's third birthday party.

June - Taking the fam to visit Jen and Ben in Utah and Yellowstone/The Great Tetons.

July - Camping with the Lawtons.

August - Flying with Elliot to Colorado to meet Justin after the Laramie Enduro.

September - Putting the house on the market and keeping it "showing ready" while living with 2 small children.

October - Annual Halloween festivities at Indian Cave with my little blueberry and dinosaur.

November - Moving into our new house!

December - ??? To be determined...

Today's DPP: One of Alice's first drawings where I can actually SEE what she was aiming for. The green guy is Mike Wazowski and the blue guy is Sully. For those of you not in-the-know, these are Monsters Inc. characters.

December 5 - Rocking Out

2010-12-05T14:45:00.008-06:00

Today's prompt, "Rocking Out," suggests I create a playlist of the year's best songs according to me. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to admit something I have been denying for awhile now. I have completely lost touch of everything that's going on in music, entertainment, fashion, etc. This is something I SWORE up and down would never happen to me. I saw fuddy duddy people in their thirties and forties who were obviously stuck in a bygone era, and I said, "Whew, that will never be me." Uh, yeah, not sure how it happened, but I would say I got stuck somewhere around the year 2001, or so. It's to the point where I look through magazines and cannot identify with ANYTHING that's in them. I don't know who the celebrities are in the photos, I can't imagine myself wearing the clothes on the models, and I've never heard of the movies, television shows, or musicians on the covers and in the articles.

We got rid of cable, we had kids, I have less time to shop, I had "better" things to do, and everything just kept marching on leaving me in its dust.

So, I thought it might be fun to document the music "phases" I went through before I got stuck in 2001, since I wouldn't have a clue which songs of 2010 to feature on my playlist.

1. Eighties "girl" music. I started listening to music in late elementary school. My cassette tape collection included Madonna, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Belinda Carlisle, and Michael Jackson.

2. My one hair band obsession. When I was in third grade or so, my musical tastes were swayed by our next door neighbor, Heather Baker. Heather was in high school, and I thought she was oh-so-cool. She talked all the time about what it meant to be a "hood" and how evil it was to be a "prep." I believe Heather may be the reason I strayed from the norm in my musical and clothing choices as I grew older. Anyway, she listened to all the eighties hair bands -- Poison, Guns n Roses, etc. Somehow, out of all the bands I could have chosen from this list, I became obsessed with Bon Jovi. I had all of their tapes, and I think my mother might have found this a slight bit disturbing.

3. Boy Bands. When I was in the 5th and 6th grades, my good friend Trish introduced me to the wonders of boy bands. My first experience with this phenomenon was at Trish's birthday party in 5th grade. She asked each of us to dress as a member of Menudo, and I believe we then filmed ourselves lip syncing one of their songs. Soon after this, New Kids on the Block became wildly popular. Shelly and I were lucky enough to score tickets to see them at the Nebraska state fair when they were opening for Tiffany. The following year, we saw them at the Civic Auditorium with them as the headliners. Jordan Knight was my fave. 4eva and eva.

4. Not sure what you'd call this next phase. Soon after the boy band phase, I became interested in highly produced music, most of it British. C&C Music Factory, Deelite, Big Audio Dynamite, The Lightning Seeds, EMF, etc. This, I would say, was my "gateway" into alternative music, which was just months away from breaking into the mainstream.

5. "Alternative" music. Two things happened around eighth grade. My family subscribed to a pre-internet online service called "Prodigy" where I became very active in the music bulletin boards, and MTV began showing "Buzz Clips," which were music videos from so-called alternative bands. Middle school was tough for me, and I think I decided at some point along the way that it might be easier to be very different than it would be to try to fit in. Music was one of the ways I attempted to set my self apart from my peers. I used to wake up earlier than anyone else in my house just so I could watch MTV for a half hour or so before school. Each morning, there would be one Buzz Clip, and I would anxiously wait to see which video it would be. I still remember vividly the morning I first say Nirvana's "Nevermind." It gave me chills the first time, and every time I see it now, I still get chills. Throughout all of this, I was reading message boards about music, and I was writing email back and forth with high school and college students all across the country. A couple people sent me mix tapes which included REAL alternative bands such as the Decendents and The Stone Roses, but at the time I didn't really appreciate these artists as much as the ones I was being "sold" on MTV. Little did I know that this music that was being packaged as "alternative" was very much mainstream.

6. The Cure. While I was still in eighth grade, one of MTV's Buzz Clips was the first single, "High" off of The Cure's new album "Wish." I would frequently walk from my neighborhood across Center Street to Pickles, a local record store that no longer exists. I would look through the CD's and would often hold in my hand the albums I had seen on MTV. I had a hard time deciding which albums to invest in since this was long before I actually held a job. When I bought The Cure's "Wish" album, I had no idea that I had started an obsession that would last almost ten years. There was a girl who worked at Pickles who wore her hair just like Robert Smith. I idolized this girl, and coincidentally, when I saw The Cure in concert in the year 2000, she was sitting in my row! After I bought "Wish" I worked my way backwards, and soon I owned every Cure album ever produced, as well as several "bootlegs."

7. 311 and going to shows. When I hit ninth grade, I was old enough to go see the bands I watched on MTV in concert. My parents were actually gave me quite a bit of freedom at such a young age. Looking back on it now, it must have been kind of scary for them to let me go to all ages shows at places like the Ranch Bowl and Sokol Hall, but I am very grateful that they trusted me. Some of my best memories are from the concerts I attended in high school. My first show was Mudhoney at Ranch Bowl. Funny thing -- Justin was actually at this show, too. He was 20, I was 15. I saw lots of bands -- well known and obscure. We started going to 311 shows in ninth grade because they were cheap and happened often. I was proud of myself for being able to stick it out in the mosh pit at these shows. Frankly, the whole moshing thing was a bit silly, but at the time I found it exhilarating. I actually attended the video shoot for this one:

7. The Cog Factory. When I was a sophomore or junior, a local nonprofit music venue opened in a shady part of town. The Cog Factory introduced me to lots of underground and independent music, and it became a social venue for me just as much as it was a music venue. I think I went to over a hundred shows at the Cog Factory, and I wasn't very discerning about which shows I chose to attend. This was a point in my musical history where I made some pretty bad choices -- I listened to a lot of ska, pop-punk, and hardcore. At the same time that I was wasting my time going to ska shows, Omaha's Saddle Creek bands were just starting to emerge. I did see The Faint at the Cog for what was probably their first show in front of an audience. They played on the floor in front of the stage instead of on it. I was at lots of shows where Connor Oberst's band, Commander Venus, played, but I would often sit outside during their sets and chat with my friends. Sometimes the Cog would bring in bigger bands that would require a larger venue, so I saw lots of shows at the Sokol Underground during this time, too. I saw hundreds of bands from 1994-1999 or so. I saw NOFX, AFI, Rancid, Offspring, Man or Astroman, The Specials, The Toasters, Let's Go Bowling... I could type the names of bands for hours and not run out. It's hard for me to pick one video for this phase, and there are lots of songs I'd like to choose that probably don't even have videos to link. This is a live video of Man or Astroman from 1996. It wasn't filmed in Omaha, but I saw them on this same tour.

8. Raves and Trip Hop. In college, I continued to drive back to Omaha to go to shows at The Cog and Sokol, but I also started going to raves. I wasn't much of a dancer, and I didn't use drugs, but for some reason I enjoyed going to raves. I liked the secrecy of it all -- how you had to call the phone number to get the location, how sometimes they were broken up before you even had a chance to get there. During this time I also listened to trip hop and other electronic music.

9. No More Phases. Sometime around 1999 or 2000 just listened to whatever sounded good to me. In Lincoln, I would listen to the college radio station, and I would buy albums based on what I liked from there, what I heard at parties, at bars, in my friends' cars, etc. My music tastes became very much my own. I continued to listen to things I had always loved -- The Cure, Radiohead, The Pixies. I added things that really struck a chord with me -- David Grey, The Postal Service, Belle and Sebastian, Coldplay (especially Parachutes!). I probably bought more music during this time in my life than I had ever bought before, but it didn't fall neatly into one genre. I still went to shows, but I was quite a bit more picky about what I would spend my money and time on.

10. Now. The internet has really changed music, I think. Ipods have changed music. I used to get excited about owning music. I loved to sit and listen to music while looking through the lyrics and pictures that came with the CDs. I used to love browsing at used CD stores, buying things on a whim. I own and Ipod, but I haven't added any new music to it since my initial uploads. Managing Itunes on my computer seemed like too much of a monumental task. I hear about music on the internet now, but I don't want to make the investment. It seems silly to buy CD's, but I have a hard time spending money on Itunes becuase I don't actually physically GET anything. Plus, I have kids, and it seems like there's no time to learn about new music. Maybe I'm making excuses. Maybe I should make more of an effort to find music -- it used to make me so happy, and it was such a huge part of my life! For now, I seem to learn about new music from Alice's favorite show, Yo Gabba Gabba. Sad, but true.

Oh, and for the DPP, here's an outtake from today's Christmas card photo shoot:

December 3 and 4 -- Love Letter to Self and Forgiveness

2010-12-04T19:42:00.005-06:00

The two prompts I need to address in this one post involve writing a love letter to myself and forgiveness. I'm not 100% comfortable with either of these topics because they are hugely personal. I'm not used to putting it all out there for the world to see, but because I'm on board with the spiritual cleansing that is the essence of this Radvent project, I'm going to give it a shot.

Interestingly, both topics work together very well for me because I'm actually very good at forgiving almost everyone except for myself. I do get mad -- violently angry at times -- but I am quick to make up with people. I actually have a rule to never go to bed angry with Justin. It's important for me to resolve feelings of hurt and anger. I do harbor bitterness toward people who treated me with disrespect in high school and college (mostly dumb boys), but I really don't think those people are deserving of my thoughts or my forgiveness. I know there are many people who believe that forgiveness is a way of letting go, but I have problems with the idea that all offenses are forgivable. For example, I do not think murder or serious physical or sexual abuse are things for which anyone should ever be forgiven. But, I digress...

The one person who does often deserve a break, who I never seem to be able to forgive, is myself. I harbor regret and resentment for silly things for ages and ages. For example, I wrote an email at work on Friday with no intention of upsetting anyone. The email was misunderstood by several individuals, and I am STILL feeling bad about how it all went down. This has popped into my head numerous times, and when I step back to examine my self talk, each and every time I find myself beating myself up about the minutest nuances of syntax -- "well, if only you would have said ___ instead of ___."

So, what it comes down to is that I am incredibly too hard on myself ALL THE TIME. Forgiving myself for petty mistakes is just the tip of the iceberg.

A love letter to myself, silly as it might sound, is probably long overdue.

Dear Christy,

Do you realize that you hold yourself to a standard that you would never expect of anyone one else? Perfection is not possible, and yet anything but perfect is never good enough for you. It's never good enough that you tried your best. There are always flaws, always "could haves" and "should haves" to think about over and over again.

The truth is, you don't really give yourself credit for the hard work you do. You're always second guessing yourself. Even when you think you might have done a good job, there's always that doubt that creeps in, always that little voice that says, "What were you thinking? That's really not that good at all. Maybe next time you'll do better..."

You are a good mom, a good wife, and a good counselor.

At work, you are efficient with your time, you strive for excellence, and you aim for meaningful interactions with your students. You were brought up to have excellent work ethic, and you work longer and harder than most people in your profession. Students trust you, and your colleagues enjoy working with you. People like you because they know they can count on you to follow through when you say you are going to do something, and they know you will try your hardest to do a good job.

At home, even though you question whether you spend enough time with your kids or whether your interactions with your kids show enough how much you love them, you do a good job, and you are a good mother. It's natural to question your abilities as a parent, but it's not okay to tell yourself that you have failed when there is no evidence that points toward anything other than success. Your children need you to be more confident. If you continue to doubt yourself, you won't be modeling the strength you hope to see in each of them. You can't expect your kids to love themselves if you don't love yourself. The kids don't expect or want perfect, they want a mother who cares, who laughs with them, who is present everyday and ready for a hug when they hurt or are sad. Making mistakes is human, and if your kids see that you aren't okay with making mistakes, they will strive for the same impossible perfection you strive for in your own life.

And when it comes to being a wife, the best thing you can do is be happy and carefree. It makes Justin sad when he sees you all anxious and depressed. He doesn't care that the laundry isn't done or that the dishes are in the sink, but he does mind when you take your insecurities out on him and the kids.

Smile more. Let go. Take time to breathe. At the end of the day, when things didn't go as planned, believe that there will be other chances for the goal you had in mind. Learn from mistakes instead of agonizing over them. Realize that life will be more enjoyable if you're okay with your best shot.

There are some things you do easily that other people struggle with. Keep your strengths in mind when you struggle with your weaknesses. No one does everything well.

Everything will be okay. You have so many happy things in your life, so many things you often take for granted. Life is too short to dwell on the negative things in the past or worry about how things will go tomorrow. Live in the moment. Take it all in, and enjoy the little things that you never notice.

It's hard to make changes, and knowing you, you will want all of this to change immediately. Baby steps are okay. Trying is better than being frozen with fear or anger or sadness.

You've done a phenomenal job the last 33 years. Keep up the good work, and hang in there.

Love,
Christy

New purple boots! A daring choice as I start to trust myself more.

The best thing I've heard in a long time -- "Alice likes Alice very much." This from Alice's preschool teacher during parent-teacher conferences on Friday in reference to Alice's confidence and self-concept.

December 2 - Organization

2010-12-02T20:09:00.002-06:00

The theme for day two is organization. Princess Lasertron's prompt today involves choosing an area of your house that needs some help and "making it pretty." Since my entire house is a disaster because of the move, I'm not very motivated to take on this task, so I thought instead I'd write about my organizational philosophy.

When I was in graduate school, one of my professors, Dr. Dickel, made a profound statement. He told us, "In life there are pilers and there are filers." And I've found that this is true. I find other people's spaces fascinating. I enjoy looking around the homes and offices of others and examining the way they handle "stuff." Generally, people have piles of stuff, or their space is completely devoid of clutter. These folks who like to pretend that they don't actually live or work in their spaces are the filers. I happen to be a piler, and I think I am at a stage in my life where I am ready to emrace it.

Life is too short, and my babies are growing up too fast. I work full time. This is a choice, I suppose. Justin and I chose a certain standard of living, and in order to maintain that standard, we require a double income. Judge our choice as you may, but this is the reality of our lives. I have to work to pay the bills. I'm okay with this choice because our kids get to spend the entire summer and all school breaks with both of their parents. Okay, enough of that tangent. The point is, when I'm home, I'd rather be reading a book or doing a puzzle or painting a picture with the kids than scrubbing my kitchen floor. I get to the floors and the toilets and the piles of junk mail eventually, but in the meantime, the piles mount.

Now here's the interesting part, and mom, if you're out there, I'd bet you'd disagree with my assessment of myself. But I don't really like messy spaces. I am really only at peace when there is NO clutter and everything is neatly in it's place. It may seem that I am a messy person at heart because of how I live my day-to-day life, but trapped deep down inside of me is the filer. When I'm mad or sad or anxious about something, I clean like a crazy person. Justin has gotten to the point where he gets very afraid when he sees me cleaning. He figures something must have gone wrong, and he tries to stay far, far away from me.

At work, I am still a piler. My job as a high school counselor is very fast-paced. Every once in a blue moon I have time to file things, but mostly I arrange things into piles of similar tasks. Below you will see a picture of my desk. Each pile on the desk represents a differnt type of thing I need to accomplish. In some of those piles there are four or five things I need to do, but those things all fall into the same category.

Other pilers tell me my office is organized, but I know the filers secretly cringe when they see my desk.

test post from phone

2010-12-01T21:20:00.001-06:00

Just wanted to see how hard the DPP would be from my phone. Not too bad!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

December 1 - Remembering

2010-12-01T19:27:00.005-06:00

So, Princess Lasertron's site is having some technical difficulties. Because of this, I can't cut and paste her exact prompt for today. I read it this morning, though, so I'll just wing it. Today's theme is "remembering," and the prompt had something to do with, "What were you doing 5 years ago today." So, here goes...

For some reason, I have a hard time remembering life five years ago. Five years ago I was a childless English teacher. I'm not sure which event had the erasing effect on my memory, becoming a counselor or becoming a mother, but life seems to have sped up since 2005. Everything pre-2006 is a bit fuzzy.

2005 was my last year as a teacher. I know I felt that year I had hit my stride as a teacher, but I still had huge amounts of insecurity and anxiety about my ability to manage the paperload of being an English teacher. The essays I had to grade, or "themes" as they were called at Central, were always looming, and I was never at peace.

I was deep into my graduate work for my degree in counseling. I know Spring semester I took two classes, and I also had a student teacher during the Spring semester, which allowed me to survive as I attempted to teach full time and take two graduate courses.

When I look back at pictures from December 2005, I looked happy and relatively "together," but I have very little recollection of what I was actually thinking and feeling. My ability to totally forget entire years of my life freaks me out a little bit. I remember parts of high school and college vividly, but the years I spent as a teacher are very hard to recall.

In 2005, Justin and I had been married for just over two years. We were still childless newlyweds, and besides my feelings of inadequacy as a teacher, life was pretty simple. I don't really know what I did with my time. Justin's mom says to me jokingly now whenever the kids are being especially needy, "Whatever did you do with your time before you had kids?" and honestly, I can't remember. I didn't take very many pictures back then, and I gave up journal writing after college. There is really no "record" of what I was up to. I did take some pictures of my Christmas ornament collection, so I think I might have started looking for odd ornaments in 2005, but otherwise, I am truly at a loss.

Today's picture is a snapshot I took of Justin the other night in our new kitchen. Later that night, as I was flipping through the photos I took, I paused on this one and really stopped to think about the man I have now known for over ten years. He is the same Justin I met in 1999 in many ways, but in so many other ways he has evolved and changed along with our entire existance. This picture struck me because of it's juxtoposition of Justin's silliness with our "grown up" new kitchen. The new house really does make me feel really adult. I think it might be because of its era. The house was built in 1989, and the house I grew up in was also an 80's house. When I was a kid, my parents seemed so OLD, and now, there's really no denying it, I am the same age they were when I was cognizant enough to think of my parents as OLD.

Enough remembering for now.

Starting Tomorrow...

2010-11-30T21:01:00.004-06:00

I'm going to do the December Photo Project again this year.



And I'm going to use Princess Lasertron's "Radvent" to give me a "theme" for each day.  We'll see how this works.  It might end up being more than I can handle, but I think I'd like to try to meld the two ideas.

Words!

2010-11-30T15:31:00.003-06:00

Elliot can't really say anything very well, but the boy is starting to communicate with us. He can wave and sort of say "Hi" at the same time. He says something that sounds like "Mama" and something that sounds like "Doggy." When we ask him, "How big is Elliot?" He puts his arms above his head while we yell, "Soooo big!" He loves Patty Cake, and after we're done with the "Yay" clapping part, he grabs my hands to do it again. He is a sweet, funny little boy. He has a very mild personality, and he smiles ALL THE TIME. He has two little dimples and happy eyes that just melt his mother's heart. Oh, and he loves cheerios.

Written November 5, and Never Posted

2010-11-05T11:10:00.005-05:00

Alice is learning to spell. She can't read, but she can sound out words. Two days ago we were getting Netflix set up, and I asked her to spell the show she wanted to watch. We broke "Spider Man" down into letter sounds, and Alice was able to tell me each and every letter. I think reading is right around the corner. When we're driving around in the car, she will often sit in the back seat and practice the letter sounds for things she sees out the window. I am so proud of her!

We are finally trying to "sleep train" Elliot. The boy loves his "Ba." Since I nursed Alice until she was nearly a year old, she never developed the bottle addiction her brother has. He screams bloody murder when we attempt to take away the bottle. Even if he is sound asleep with the bottle in his mouth, he wakes up the second we try to remove it. He still wakes up at least once a night wanting his bottle. I know we have to "cry it out," but for some reason I'm even less willing to do it with Elliot than I was with Alice. Maybe it's because he's my "baby"? Not sure, but something's got to give!

i am a mom

2010-10-24T15:49:00.002-05:00

Having a second child made a has profound difference in how I feel as a woman. With one child, it was like I was just dabbling in this kid stuff, having fun, trying it out. It was easy to revert back into "Christy" mode, and it was easy to find time to do things that were important to me. Scrapbooking, playing around with photos, reading books, shopping, getting together with friends, etc... I still felt like I had time to be knowledgeable about current trends, I made sure to get a haircut and brow wax on a semi-routine basis, I felt young.

Since Elliot's birth, things have been much different. I feel like I am always on the run. Doing this, getting that, trying to get the kids ready and be to work on time, going to swim lessons and doctors appointments, playing Memory, rocking the baby to sleep. At the end of each day, I am exhausted. When I look in the mirror, I don't even see myself anymore. I try not to look at myself too closely because my unibrow and split ends will only make me sad. I have wrinkles now that I never saw before. I am thinner now than I've ever been before, but mostly this is because I don't have a lot of time to eat.

I am happy, don't get me wrong. I squeeze the kids tightly each and every day, so thankful for what I have. These days with my tiny babies are precious. All too soon they will grow up and head off to school, and then off to college, and then they'll be married... I love them, they need me, they love me, and there is nothing better than being "the mommy." I am the one whose hug takes away the pain of a scraped knee. I am the one whose hold can lull a baby to sleep. Being "the mommy" feels powerful and sometimes frightening, but mostly being "the mommy" is wonderful.

In a few years, there will be time again to care whether my clothes are spit-up free, let alone "in style," but for now, I have to recognize the huge blessing I have been given by having the opportunity to be the mother to these children.

recent developments

2010-10-14T15:40:00.002-05:00

Elliot's first baby food - Aug. 8, 2010.
Elliot was able to stay in a "sitting" position if we placed him there - end of Aug. 2010.
Elliot learned to go from laying to sitting - mid Sept. 2010.
Elliot began to crawl - end of Sept. 2010
Elliot was able to pull himself into a standing position - end of Sept. 2010.

Life has gotten in the way of my blog posting and picture taking. A few days before I was supposed to go back to work in early August, I got a phone call that drastically changed the course of our lives. I was offered a job in Council Bluffs. This is something Justin and I have been wanting for our family, so I took the job. Then, to complicate matters further, we started looking at houses, just for fun. We found a house we loved, we put our house on the market, and now, less than 2 months later, we have sold our house, are under contract with the new house, and have begun the process of moving our whole operation to Council Bluffs. New daycare for the kids, new doctors, new grocery store, etc., etc. It's nuts. I am finally starting to feel like I can breate again!

Alice has weathered the storm quite well. As soon as we took her back to school this year, we saw drastic improvement in her behavior. I think she was craving the structure and social interaction she gets in school. She is so much fun these days. She loves to do puzzles! At school she gets homework every night and gets to check out library books once a week. She cries if she doesn't get homework or library books! My little learner!

Elliot has been a true joy. It's like some time in the middle of September he became a real human being. He is funny, and he always has a grin on his face. It is very rare for him to fuss or cry. We think he's a doll. He's beginning to struggle with constipation which is affecting his sleep patterns, but it doesn't appear he will have the same issues as Alice at all. Elliot does sleep in the crib, but he still wakes once or twice a night to eat a bottle. He loves his "ba." No words yet, but we're trying to teach him the basics.

We can't wait to move into the new house! Closing date is November 15. Life will be a lot easier when we don't have to commute. Until then...

spoke too soon

2010-07-22T13:12:00.002-05:00

Elliot is back in the swing. It's a bit depressing, but sleep deprivation got the better of us. He did great the first two nights in the crib, but after that it slowly went down hill. When we gave in and put him back in the swing, he slept 7-8 hours straight at night, and he has every night since. I know I have to get him out of the swing, but right now might not be the time for it. It seems like we always have a trip coming up that will interfere with the "crying it out" or "sleep training." Or maybe that's just a poor excuse.

A few days ago we took the kids camping with the Lawtons. This was a trip I had been dreading... I was certain Alice would be naughty and that the kids wouldn't sleep in the tent. I was wrong! Alice had a great time running around and swimming at the water park, and she went down pretty easily at night! Elliot didn't do that bad either. It might not have been a 100 mile backpacking trip, but it was 2 nights in the outdoors with 2 small children. I guess I need to redefine my idea of an ideal vacation. Justin and I both admitted afterwards that we had a great time. It gave my confidence a boost, too, and it redeveloped my faith in Alice. She is a good little girl who is slowly but surely learning how to listen to her mommy and daddy.

broke the swing addiction!

2010-07-12T13:12:00.006-05:00

Elliot is officially a crib sleeper (I hope)! Last night we decided to let him "cry it out." I was apprehensive about this. He's a bit young, but I know when daycare starts in August, they're not going to let him sleep in the swing. We need to establish healthy sleeping habits now so he doesn't cry all day at daycare. So, we were going to put him in the crib unswaddled and awake and let him cry for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, the 15, etc. like we did with Alice. This didn't work, though, because he didn't "get it." Elliot plays in the crib every morning for about an hour, so I think he thought we were putting him down to play. He fussed a bit, but no crying. After thinking about it for a bit, I decided swaddling is a sleep cue for Elliot. I went back in there, fed him a bit to calm him down, swaddled him, laid him in the crib awake, and popped his paci in. He drifted off to sleep right before my eyes, and he didn't need the swing to do it!!! I was so happy. I stayed awake a bit longer than I usually do, because I was *sure* he would wake up, but he kept on sleeping. He woke two times last night. I reswaddled him, fed him just a bit, and laid him back down in the crib. Today he has taken 2 naps in the crib! I know that I will have to let him "cry it out" when we stop swaddling him and/or when we stop feeding him before bed, but for now, the swing addiction has been broken. Yay!

Elliot Milestones, Minnesota Trip, and Alice Antics

2010-07-09T13:26:00.003-05:00

Elliot continues his quest to crawl. He is now able to boost himself up onto his knees and even onto his toes. He is still not strong enough to lift his body with his arms, though, so he continues to launch himself across the floor with the strength of his legs.

Elliot also likes to hold small objects, like his pacifier, and watch with fascination as he moves the object through the air. He tries, in vain most of the time, to put the pacifier in his mouth, and he is able to pass the pacifier from one hand to the other.

Elliot is very into sucking on his fingers and sometimes his toes. He drools a lot, too, so I think he might be in the beginning stages of teething. Since he was SUCH a FUSSY baby for the first two months of his life, I fear teething might be difficult for him. Not looking forward to when the teeth actually break through!

We just returned from a trip to Minnesota to visit great-grandma and great-grandpa. Everyone finds Elliot's demeanor so pleasant! Elliot does not like riding in the car AT ALL, but he was a little charmer when we were with the family. Last month when we went to visit Jen, I had to buy a travel swing, and he slept in the travel swing on this trip too.

The swing sleeping will need to stop soon, though, because Elliot has started to wiggle around in the swing too much when he is awake. Last week he actually wiggled his way out of the swing and plopped down onto the floor still fully swaddled! He wasn't too pleased about that, and he gave mommy and daddy a heart attack!

Moving onto Alice news... Alice was the opposite of Elliot on our trip to Minnesota. She was really not pleasant at all around the family. She is going through a "NO" phase, and she really tries my patience to the point where I lose my cool. I know I need to work on my responses to her behavior if I want to make headway into stopping it. Justin and I do a good job of not giving in, but we need to have a more unemotional way of giving consequences.

We did visit Mall of America, and Alice had a blast riding the big kid rides. She has absolutely NO FEAR. I took her on the flume ride, for example. I was afraid it would be too scary, but Alice told me it wasn't fast enough! Silly kid!

She had the same reaction to the adult water slides at Mahoney when my mom and I took her there a couple weeks ago. I naively waited in line with her, thinking they would let her ride down on my lap since she met the height requirement but isn't able to swim. When we got to the top, I realized they only allowed one rider at a time! I had two options, we could give up and walk back down to the bottom, or I could ride down by myself and wait for Alice at the bottom. I was hesitant about letting her ride by herself, but I knew she would throw a fit if we aborted mission. Against my better judgement, I decided to give it a shot. As I waited at the bottom, I was very nervous as the seconds passed... what if she was refusing to get on the slide? But then she came tearing down the slide. She is so light that she was getting tossed around a lot. She actually entered the water sideways, almost head first. When I was able to pull her back up to the surface of the water, she said, "That was fun! Let's do it again!" I was flabberghasted! I figured she would think it was too scary. I think she got this fearlessness from Justin because I am a wuss when it comes to stuff like that. When I was 3, there is no way I would have ridden down that slide!

I guess I need to keep things in perspective. Alice drives me crazy sometimes, but for the most part she is sweet, smart, and spunky. We love her free spirit and her happy-go-lucky attitude about life. Even if it meant getting rid of the temper-tantrums and stubbornness, I would never trade her in for a more tame model because we would lose the things we really love about her, the things that accompany her fierce independent nature.

bored on the 4th of july

2010-07-04T12:07:00.002-05:00

Alice calls hamburgers "hang-a-bers."

In Alice's world, everything that happened in the past was "yesterday," and everything in the future is "tomorrow."

Alice asks me almost every day, "Mommy, why is your tummy so big? Is there another baby in there?" Uh, no.

Elliot wants to crawl! He sort of launches himself around on his tummy by pushing off with his feet. His arms are too weak to lift himself off the ground.

why because?

2010-06-27T11:30:00.002-05:00

I remember asking my mom just a few weeks ago when Alice would enter the "why" stage. I was really looking forward to the curiosity and inquisitiveness that I knew was hiding inside of my daughter. Well, about a week or so ago, Alice began asking "Why." I love her questions! It really helps me step inside her head and get a glimpse of what she must be thinking. She has an intense desire to understand her world. She is a smart little bugger!

At some point last week, Alice added a new element to her "why" questions. When she isn't satisfied with the explanations we give (which she frequently is not), after we say "Because blah, blah, blah" she'll ask, "Why because?" So cute! I'm sure we'll get to the point where we find the "why becauses" a bit much, but right now I love them.

Also of note:

In the last week or so Elliot has perfected the art of rolling from back to tummy, but he gets frustrated when he gets stuck on his tummy. He hasn't figured out how to roll back yet.
Elliot loves "playing" with his toys. He Is quite fond of his lion (given to him by the Easter Bunny) and his elephant (given to him by Amy and Doug). He also loves to lay in his crib (still not sleeping there, though) and coo at the animals on his mobile.
Elliot loves to have "conversations" with me. He seems to mimic the intonations in my voice. When gets really excited, he'll squeal.
Elliot makes raspberry sounds just like Alice did at about this age. Alice made the noises when she was playing; Elliot tends to make them when he's angry.

things of note

2010-06-10T12:20:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a good day, today is not as good.

When we were eating lunch out on the patio yesterday, Alice said to me, "Mommy, this is a perfect day." This statement brought tears to my eyes, literally.

Elliot rolled from his tummy to his back for the first time yesterday, and today he rolled from his back to his tummy!

Alice calls umbrellas "rainbrellas."

terrible THREES

2010-06-05T14:03:00.001-05:00

When Alice was two, I remember thinking, "Oh these terrible twos are nothing! Aren't we lucky that we have such a wonderful little girl. We must be doing something right." How wrong I was. Alice turned 3 on May 20th, and it's been a rough road ever since, to say the least. Almost everything is a struggle. She's potty trained, but she refuses to go to the bathroom. She won't take a nap. She doesn't accept "No" for an answer very well anymore at all. She hits and kicks and screams as I haul her off to her room. Some days she gets sent to her room 5 or 6 times. And when she gets into her room, she opens and slams the door over and over again as she screams "No!." (I remember Jessica was a door slammer.)

I know she is a very sweet, smart child. She listens to other adults well, and I know most days she does what we ask her to do, too. However, it makes me really sad when she is being so naughty. It makes me worry that she won't have an easy life because she has such an obstinate personality. I do understand that these difficult elements of her personality are just a small part of the larger package. Alice's spunky, spirited, independent nature comes with lots of fun stuff too. She loves to dance and be silly. She is creative, and she's so, so smart (she knows all of her letters -- big and small -- and all the sounds each letter makes!). She is an excellent big sister, and she cares immensely about other human beings. My heart aches when I think about all of the goodness inside of her... I just hope she lets people see that goodness and doesn't let her opinionated stubbornness cloud it all out.

Probably a year from now, I will look back on this and have forgotten how difficult this was. More than likely she will have grown out of this and moved onto something else. For now, though, I agonize over asking her to do such small, simple tasks. I don't want to fight with her, but I know it's important to hold my ground. This is the time in her life when she learns boundaries. Accepting "No," following instructions, these are basic social skills. Life will be a very rocky road for her if she isn't taught these things now. I know that I must be a parent and not a friend. She will not always like me. In fact, I know there will be times in her life when she "hates" me, but later in life when she has self-discipline and understands how to interact successfully with her peers, she will thank me. That doesn't make life any easier right now, though.

Well, I hear her downstairs right now, wiggling the door knob in her room. She's supposed to be taking a nap, but it's been weeks since she's willingly taken a nap duing "nap time." I best be going. Have to chat with her, and I know another battle will ensue...

i don't want to forget a thing.

2010-04-13T12:43:00.005-05:00

We have an addition to our family! Elliot Alexander is almost 6 weeks old. I knew when I created this blog that Alice would not be our only child, and I had reservations about naming it "Alice's Wonderland." However, I loved the name, so I went with it. Now I'm not so sure... should I change it to "Alice and Elliot's Wonderland"? Oh well. I mostly just keep this blog for myself to keep track of my memories. If I ever get serious about blogging, which I highly doubt, perhaps I'll rename it.

Throughout my pregnancy, I worried about Alice's reaction to Elliot's arrival. I have heard so many horror stories about my own reaction to Jessica's birth that I worried Alice would be jealous, that she wouldn't feel loved any more, that she'd be irreparably damaged by her brother crashing her party. I tried really hard to prepare her for what was to come. I told her countless times about the baby in mommy's tummy, about being a big sister, about all the cool things she would do with her brother. I even began telling her "Once upon a time" stories about the adventures she would have with Elliot. Still, I wasn't really sure she "got it." She would point to two moles on my belly and ask me, "Is that Ellie-It, Mommy?"

I needn't have worried. When my parents brought her to the hospital to meet Elliot just hours after his birth, I was very nervous. She came into the room, timidly approached the bed with a somewhat sheepish grin on her face. She inspected him quietly for a moment, and then she asked us, "Does he have ears?" We said, "Yes." "Does he have a "tongue?" We said, "Yes." "Does he have boogers?" We burst out laughing and told her "Yes" and that was it. She accepted him as another member of our family.

Alice seems to really love her brother. She gives him hugs, she is respectful of his smallness, she doesn't seem to get angry or sad when I have to spend time feeding him. She is, however, confused about his "babyness." When we brought Elliot home from the hospital, she asked me to bring him down to the basement so she could show him her toys. When we got downstairs, she said, "Put him down Mommy, and make him walk." It hadn't occurred to her that he wouldn't be able to play right away. I explained to her that Elliot was a baby and had a lot to learn. She asked me, "Can he talk?" and I had to tell her, "No," though it made a bit sad to further burst her bubble. Again, though, she seemed to accept him for what he was, and she moved on. She told me she wanted to share her Yo Gabba Gabba toys with him. She brought the figurines over to him and said, "Here Elliot." She placed the toy near his hand, waited a moment, gave up on her desire for him to grab the toy, and it slipped to the floor. She asked me, "He doesn't want to play?" Poor Alice!

She's pretty silly about a lot of things. Almost everyday she asks me, "Does he have teeth yet?" because I told her he couldn't eat real food until he has teeth. When he falls asleep in the car, his head will slump to the side, and inevitably, she will shriek, "His head's too floppy, Mommy!" She makes me smile.

In the beginning, Elliot seemed to be an easy baby. While we were still in the hospital, Justin and I conjectured several times that he would be easier than Alice in the sleep department. The first night home, he slept 6 hours without waking up to eat! I boasted about it on facebook even! I shouldn't have spoken so soon. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight since that night. And Elliot is particular about where he sleeps. So far, he hasn't slept more than 5 minutes in his crib or bassinet. Some nights he sleeps on my chest, some nights he sleeps in his swing, some nights he sleeps in his bouncy chair. I know this won't last forever, but right now, I'm pretty miserable. I swore up and down that I wasn't going to let this little one manipulate me like Alice did when it came to sleep. Funny how often I have to eat my words when it comes to this little guy! I just keep telling myself that they're not small like this forever and that I should savor this time when he still wants to cuddle. Sleep deprivation makes it difficult for me to feel the love, though. Oh, and he seems to need to suck for comfort, but he won't take a pacifier. That means I have to nurse him ALL.THE.TIME.

Several people have told me that I look happier than they've ever seen me, and at first this struck me as a bit odd. But then I stepped back and really looked at my life. I have an amazing, helpful, loving husband who is an awesome father, I have a smart, polite, funny little girl, and I have a beautiful (albeit fussy at times) little boy. I have a home, a job I love, and the list goes on and on. I AM happy! Everyday something happens that I can be thankful for. A hug from Alice, a smile from Elliot, a kind gesture from Justin... I am so fortunate.

december photo project -- day 21 through 31

2009-12-31T12:04:00.002-06:00

December 21st was my dad's birthday. We had a really great time going to Mama's pizza and eating my grandma's cherry chocolate cake. Yum! My dad was nice and let Alice help him blow out the candles.

On Christmas Eve, we went over to my parents' house for pizza and brownies. Yum! We tried to have a low-key dinner this year due to the weather and illness, but my mom still used a table cloth and candles. How fancy! We decided to drive home, despite the impending blizzard, so we could celebrate Christmas morning in our own house.

That night, Santa visited!

On Christmas morning, I was so excited to watch Alice open her presents that I forgot to take pictures! Oh well, I think it was more important for me to be present in that moment than for me to be a slave to my camera. Sometimes in my constant need to document everything, I forget to enjoy myself! I took this picture of Justin playing with his new Droid phone and Alice playing with her new dollhouse -- these were the two BIG presents of Christmas, and they are both still so happy with these gifts. In fact, as I sit here typing this on December 31, both of them are sitting in the room with me STILL playing with their Droid and dollhouse!

After lunch, my dad came over to pick us up. At this point, Omaha already had over 9 inches of snow on the ground with blizzard conditions to boot! Due to my pregnant state and Justin's case of pneumonia, there was no way we were going to be able to dig ourselves out. Even if we had, I'm not sure our Subaru would have made it though the deep snow.

But, we made it to Mom and Dad's house and had a really nice time opening gifts and eating turkey dinner. Alice definitely "gets" Christmas now. Next year, she will be totally nutso about Santa and presents for weeks in advance, I'm sure.

After it was all said and done, Omaha received over a foot of snow! Because the interstate was still closed on December 26, we had to delay our trip to Kearney. When we were finally able to get on the road, our typical 3-hour drive took 5 and 1/2 hours! It was not fun driving 15-20 miles an hour with our 2-year-old in tow. Yuck. Once we got to Kearney, Alice enjoyed playing chess with grandpa and...

playing outside with grandma!

We are all hoping next year's Christmas is a bit healthier and a lot less snowy!

december photo project -- day 20

2009-12-20T16:48:00.000-06:00

Justin has the FLU. He started showing symptoms while he was at work on Friday, and by Friday night, he had the full-blown flu. Yesterday he called his doctor, and because he lives with a pregnant woman and a 2-year-old, the doctor prescribed Tamiflu. This afternoon his fever broke, but he's still pretty miserable. Hopefully he will be better by Christmas AND he won't give this to anyone else! Yuck.

december photo project -- day 15 through day 19

2009-12-19T13:57:00.001-06:00

It was a busy week! Not only was it the last week of the semester and finals week at school, but Alice's Christmas program and our neighborhood Christmas party were both this week, too! I was exhausted by the time it was all said and done last night. Now, I just have to get my act together and finish the rest of my Christmas tasks: Make and send Christmas cards, finish shopping, wrap gifts, and bake cookies... not sure which of those things will actually happen, but I am pretty positive not all of them will get done. Oh well, this year I get to play the "pregnancy card."

Jessica came over on Tuesday night and we tried to take some pictures for our Christmas card. She took tons of shots, and I think this one is probably the best of the bunch. It's so hard to take pictures of a tired two-year-old!

Thursday night was Alice's Christmas program at school. Most of Alice's class came onto the "stage" in tears. Alice was one of the crying toddlers. She immediately came running over to me, and I had to somehow convince her to go back up front and continue with the show. Luckily, one of her teachers, Mr. Byron, held her for most of the program. She really likes him, so she cheered up pretty fast. Alice did a good job of singing songs, shouting out answers to her teacher's questions, and dancing. It was fun to see how she probably behaves when she's at school. My parents and Jessica came to see the program too.

Last night one of our neighbors had their annual Christmas party, and since Alice is now of the age where she understands the concept of Santa, we were invited. Justin has come down with some type of illness, so I went to the party without him. "Father Christmas" came and told all of us whether or not we'd made the nice list, he read the kids a story, and he gave each of the kids a present. Alice had a blast!

This morning, I went over to my parents' house for a little visit. This is a picture of my dad showing Alice parts of my mom's Christmas village. My mom owns dozens of these Department 56 houses and a lot of the accessories and people, too. Alice thinks they're pretty cool! And she's finally at an age where she understands that she can't touch them. Yay!

december photo project -- day 14

2009-12-14T22:04:00.001-06:00

december photo project -- day 13

2009-12-13T20:09:00.001-06:00

Alice loves to build "towers" with her Daddy. I think Justin may enjoy it even more than she does!

I spent time in front of the TV tonight getting the annual office gifts put together. I take a lot of pleasure in the details. Alice and I made the tags ourselves earlier today. Alice enjoyed helping me glue the pieces together and setting the eyelets. I know the tags just end up in the trash, but that doesn't take away from the fun of it for me!

december photo project -- day 12, part B

2009-12-12T21:20:00.000-06:00

Just messing around with the manual settings on the camera.

And then I forgot to switch back to auto when I wanted to take a real picture of Alice playing hide-and-seek. Oops. Every night after dinner we play a few games of hide-and-seek. Alice has gotten pretty good at finding hiding spots, but she doesn't understand that she's supposed to stay in her hiding spot until she's found. As soon as we say, "Ready or not, here I come," she comes squealing out of her spot. It's pretty funny. I know someday she will figure it out, but I kind of like her own little toddler twist on the game.

december photo project -- day 12, part A

2009-12-12T21:12:00.001-06:00

I didn't post yesterday, so I'll make 2 posts today. I love the surly look on Alice's face here. One of her favorite songs right now is "Science is Real," a song by They Might Be Giants from one of their kids' albums. Justin downloaded a bunch of these songs, and they're all housed on his MP3 player. Alice begs him to play it for her, and she loves listening through the earphones. Cute!

december photo project -- day 10

2009-12-10T15:11:00.001-06:00

This may seem like a silly thing to blog about, but the fact that our bedroom is clean is AMAZING. I really should have taken some before pictures to do this post justice, but our bedroom has been an enormous disaster ever since we had our carpet installed last summer. We were granted our third snow day in a row today, so I decided I would be productive and actually DO SOMETHING. It feels so good to see the finished product! Alice is napping right now, but as soon as she wakes up, I'm going to vacuum. That will be the finishing touch. Now it will be interesting (and depressing) to see how many weeks (days?) it takes us to mess it up again. We're such slobs!

december photo project -- day 9

2009-12-09T12:50:00.001-06:00

Even though it was only 5 degrees out this morning, I let Alice go outside briefly to play in the snow. I'm too pregnant to crouch down to Alice's level anymore, so my pictures are pretty crappy. I have to try to remember that I take the pictures to capture the memories, and my photography skills don't have to be perfect to do that. When we came back inside, I made Alice her first ever mug of hot chocolate. She loved it!

december photo project -- day 8

2009-12-08T14:36:00.000-06:00

We got a snow day today, which hasn't really been that enjoyable yet. I spent the morning at the doctor's office getting my arm pricked 4 times for a 3-hour glucose test to determine whether I have gestational diabetes, and then, since the impending blizzard is keeping us cooped up inside the house, I have pretty much sat around in the basement watching bad TV while Alice naps upstairs. If this storm plays out as predicted, we're going to get 10-12 inches of snow before morning, and then high winds will cause blizzard conditions for most of the day tomorrow. Hopefully, if we have another snow day, I can be more productive tomorrow. Today's picture is Justin out in our garage trying to fix the snow blower that's sat for like 3 years in our garage in its impaired state. My parents gave it to us thinking Justin could fix it, and this BIG storm is the first thing that has really inspired him to give it a shot. I hope for his back's sake that he's able to get it running!

I'll take some pictures of the snow tomorrow...

december photo project -- day 7

2009-12-07T19:24:00.000-06:00

I forgot to take a picture earlier today, so I was trying to think about something to take a picture of. Gabby was sitting at my feet begging for the crumbs from my pumpkin pie, and she just looked so pathetic. I decided she would be a good subject for today's photo. I kind of feel bad for Gabby these days. She has definitely been knocked down a notch on the totem pole since Alice came along. We used to dote over her like she was our first born child. Now, it's not uncommon for us to forget to feed her! Of course, she's learned how to "remind" us, so she's not starving. Still, I feel bad for her. When we visited Indian Cave in October, we actually forgot to bring her home with us! Luckily, Justin's parents were there, and she hung out in their camper until we remembered to come back and get her. We didn't make it out of the park before we remembered, but it was still a shock to me that we could do that. I know that Gabby's life will continue to get better as the kids get older. Gabby loves playing with Alice, which has just recently become possible. Every day when we get home from school, Gabby is at the door ready to greet Alice with big slobbery kisses. What a sweet dog!

december photo project -- day 6

2009-12-06T19:29:00.000-06:00

Today I had the Mills family (minus Amy and Doug) over for a turkey dinner. Even though I've cooked turkeys before, I still don't feel confident with the whole process. Everything turned out fine in the end, and it was fun to have everyone over for dinner. Alice wasn't really into the dinner, but she loved the whipped cream on her pie. The holidays are about the only time of the year where I'd even think about letting her eat large quantities of whipped cream when she hadn't eaten her dinner. After dinner I had Justin take a picture of my enormous belly. It's hard to imagine that I still have 3 months to go!

december photo project -- day 5

2009-12-05T21:09:00.000-06:00

My friend Kristin and I took Alice and Madeleine to the Omaha Botanical Gardens today to visit Santa and do holiday crafts. Alice really enjoyed the toy trains they had running through the poinsettia plants. Alice did a pretty good job talking to Santa. Over the last couple days, I've been coaching her about what to say to Santa. She told him she wanted "presents" for Christmas, but he thought she said "princess." Oh well. After she saw Santa, she was given a candy cane, which she refers to as a "candy corn." This has been going all season -- if and when she is corrected, she gets very angry and tells us, "No! It's a candy corn." Pretty cute. The crafts were fun, and it the whole package was a bargain for only $3! I think we'll be going back again next year.

december photo project -- day 4

2009-12-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

Alice loves to do "projects." My scrapbooking nook has officially become Alice's project center. She likes to cut and glue for hours at a time. Sometimes we'll make projects together where she'll ask me to cut out particular shapes, but usually she's more content to cut and glue by herself. Someday I will reclaim my space, but for the time being, she's being more creatively productive than I have the energy to be. Once "baby broder" is old enough, I imagine I will move Alice's table and chair set upstairs and place it next to my desk so the three of us can work on "projects" at the same time. Maybe they will even let me do a little scrapbooking while they cut and glue at their little table? ...Hey, a girl can dream, right?

december photo project -- day 3

2009-12-03T17:24:00.000-06:00

I am ridiculously tired. I am getting to that third trimester tired stage, and it sucks. Alice and I like to cuddle on the couch after work. We usually watch a PBS kids show. Until recently, I had been getting down on the floor with her to play with blocks or trains or something, but this week, we've been couch-potato-ing it.

December Photo Project

2009-12-02T20:46:00.000-06:00

I wasn't going to do the December Photo Project this year, but then I saw Kristin's posts for today and yesterday, and I decided I couldn't be left out! I'll post 3 pictures today to make up for none yesterday. I decided to *try* to take some pictures of our freshly decorated house. I'm really bad at taking photos in low light. I know there are all sorts of tricks for taking pictures that don't have all sorts of fuzzy "noise," but I've never learned how to do it. Oh well.

Alice already loves Christmas this year. This is the first year she "gets" it. She keeps asking me, "Mommy, is it Christmas time yet?" She loves the Christmas lights, and she loved going to "the farmer's house," as she called it, to pick out our Christmas tree. This is going to be a really fun month!

I let Alice decorate the bottom of the Christmas tree this year. I put all of the fragile ornaments on the tree while she was sleeping, and set all of the non-breakable ornaments aside for her to put up the next day. She loved it! Now she likes to go around and talk about all the ornaments she put on herself. She's so proud of herself!

This is first year we've ever done outdoor lights. Justin was such a good sport and did *exactly* what I hoped he would do! I love the big, old-fashioned porcelain bulbs. I know it would have been more efficient and earth-conscious to buy LED lights, but this is how I have always imagined my house decorated. All that's missing is a plastic Santa w/ Reindeer on the roof. I'm still looking for one of those! I figure it's only 1 month out of the year, and I'll conserve in other ways the rest of the year. Yeah.

nice car

2009-04-27T09:59:00.000-05:00

This morning, after we pulled up in front of Kathy's house, as I was unbuckling Alice from her car seat, she put her finger to her lips and said, "Shhh. Car sleeping." It cracked me up! All morning long, every time I think about it, it makes me grin. As we walked from the car to Kathy's front door, Alice kept telling me that the car was sleeping. I wonder if she really thinks the car is alive or if she knew she was being clever and cute? She's been very interested in the car lately. She often pets the car while riding in it or after getting out and says, "Nice car." As we walk away from the car, she always has to say, "Bye-bye car!" My little toddler is so funny! There are times when I wish she wasn't in her "terrible twos," but times like this are so rewarding! She's learning to how to be funny and make jokes. I wish she could stay like this forever... sometimes I feel sad for her knowing that someday she'll be 13, and she'll have to go through the doldrums of adolescence.

spring fever

2009-03-22T21:19:00.000-05:00

I can't remember a year where I had as much longing for spring break/summer vacation as I have this year. I've been trying to pin down a reason for it... It could be our very cool spring break trip to Utah -- this is the first year Justin and I have ever shared a spring break! Or, it might be that I know I am going to have SO MUCH FUN with Alice this summer. Despite the "terrible twos," which become more and more terrible each day, toddlerhood is WAY COOLER than babyhood. Alice loves to be outside, she loves to read books, she loves to play silly games. It's going to be great to have nothing to do every day except hang out with her!

We've had to start using "time out" over the last month or so. It's amazing how well it works, though. If I tell her that she has to sit in time out until she's ready to take her nap, put on her shoes, etc., it usually only takes 30 seconds or so for her to stop her temper tantrum and say she's sorry. We'll see how long this lasts, but for now time out is proving to be an effective strategy for curbing the terrible twos. Well, at least she's beginning to understand limits and boundaries. Unfortunately, she needs to be reminded and re-reminded multiple times throughout the day!

silly alice

2009-01-11T13:05:00.000-06:00

I just put Alice down for a nap, and I have some time to update the blog. She's really good about taking naps right now, but she's acquiring an army of items she NEEDS to have with her when she goes to sleep. Today she asked me, "Where's bear?" and "Where's Elmo?" and "Where's monkey?" and "Where's blankie?" and "Where's hat?" ...it's getting to be a bit much. But, hey, at least she's sleeping these days, so I'm not going to complain too much.

Last year for Christmas, my parents gave us a very nice video camera that takes super high resolution videos, and we use this camera for important events like birthdays and Christmases. The only drawback is that the videos are such high quality, they take forever to upload to places like youtube and my blog. Anyone out there know how to change the format of these videos so they're easier to share? Anyhoo, in the meantime, we've been using my Canon to take short video clips of Alice to share. Below is a video I shot a couple of days ago, and I like it because it captures a lot of things that Alice is doing right now. It shows her running around screaming, dancing and singing, and pretending to eat her play food. Also, in the background, you can see the shelves Justin is working on to house Alice's growing toy collection. As of yesterday, the shelves were 100% complete, but now it is my job to prime and paint them. Fun. I doubt I will be as efficient as Justin has been in building them.

...Okay, never mind. Even that video clip was too big. This is frustrating. I guess I'm just totally inept at all of this modern technology know how. Someday I might figure it out. ARGH.

another year

2009-01-01T22:16:00.000-06:00

Well, I sort of let the photo project slide in the end. We went away for Christmas, and when we got home, I neglected to get back on the horse. I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm going to post some of my favorite pictures from Christmas and call it good.

I'd also like to share some of Alice's latest developments. I've been really bad about writing things down, and as a result, I forget some of the cutest/funniest/coolest things that happen. These aren't earth shattering or anything, but this is what she's doing lately.

She will eat ANYTHING as long as she gets to dip it in ketchup. ANYTHING.

She's been going through a hitting phase. She'll smack me when she doesn't get her way. Justin's mom gave me the idea of acting like it hurts -- I've even gone so far as to fake cry (though I feel a bit bad about this). When I do this, she stops immediately and says, "Are you okay, Mommy?" And then she'll comfort me by patting my arm and saying, "Awww."

She's learning a few new words a day. It's AMAZING. The recent words that come to mind right now are chair, hug, cook, dance, and Elmo. And it's really weird -- they're not just words to her. When she learns a word, it represents an entire CONCEPT to her. She's learning so much about the world and how it works!

She loves to dance, and she likes it best of all when we hold her and dance with her in our arms. Right now, she things watching TV should always involve dancing, and whenever she's actively watching TV, she begs us to dance.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm going to try to write things down more this year. There's ONE of my new year's resolutions... As far as my other resolutions go, I think I'll keep them to myself for now.

I'll leave you with some pictures.

Here's Alice with my parents at our Mills Christmas celebration.

Justin's mom got Alice her own Camelbak. She loves it!

Here's her new wagon. This will be so much fun this summer!

Alice with her Grandma during our sledding excursion.

Alice loved sledding! She's a brave little girl.

december photo project 2008: day 22 and 23

2008-12-23T17:56:00.000-06:00

Yikes! I'm falling behind! I didn't actually take any pictures yesterday, so I'm going to have to cheat a bit. Yesterday, Santa came and delivered Alice's present -- a red retro kitchen and some play food. Santa must have known we were leaving for Kearney tomorrow. Today, we took Alice sledding and she spent some time playing with her new toys. Gotta love winter break! Here are some pictures.

december photo project 2008: day 21

2008-12-21T22:26:00.000-06:00

We had our first "Christmas" tonight. We spent the evening over at my parents' house. It was really a lot of fun, but I'm exhausted now! Here are some pictures from dinner.

december photo project 2008: day twenty

2008-12-20T21:32:00.001-06:00

My youngest sister, Amy, graduated from college today. She's eight years younger than me... wow, I feel old! But, I'm super proud of her. She's going to be a great teacher!

december photo project 2008: day nineteen

2008-12-19T10:31:00.000-06:00

SNOW DAY!!! While Justin scooped the walks this morning, I broke out Alice's snow pants and boots for their maiden voyage. She found the snow very interesting... This is the only picture I have of her where she's not either staring at the ground or eating the snow.

Here's another one where she's eating the snow. Yum!

december photo project 2008: day eighteen

2008-12-18T20:50:00.000-06:00

I spent the day sick in bed. It was absolutely a miserable experience, and I would have much rather been at work. Now, it appears that we *might* get a snow day tomorrow. As I write this, Millard and Bellevue schools have already canceled. This is a good sign!

december photo project 2008: day seventeen

2008-12-17T17:07:00.001-06:00

So here's the story behind "the duck." I acquired this ornament at one of my dad's company Christmas parties sometime when I was in elementary school. Every year, I insisted that this ugly plastic ornament be hung on our tree, and my mother absolutely hated it. BUT, she let me hang it every year. Sometime in junior high or high school, I caught on to my mother's extreme dislike of this ornament, and I began moving it from the back of the tree (where she always placed it) to the front of the tree. It became a family joke, and all the way through high school, college, and my post-college apartment days, we continued the tradition of moving the duck around the tree. When Justin and I bought our own house, my parents gave me the duck in a box along with all of my other ornaments, and I began putting it on the back of my own tree. Now, when my parents visit our house during Christmas, they move the duck to the front of the tree. Right now, it's on the front of the tree because I haven't moved it since my parents' visit last weekend.

december photo project 2008: day sixteen

2008-12-16T21:10:00.000-06:00

So, I was digging around on my flickr site, and I came across this picture of Justin and I taken in August 2004. This was the "honeymoon" we took a full year after our wedding. I chose this picture for today, because when I saw it tonight, I was shocked by how much we have changed in such a short period of time. We look so young! I suppose by most people's standards we're still very young, but I don't feel as young anymore as I look in this picture. I think I'm finally starting to feel like a grownup instead of just a kid. I didn't think this would ever happen to me! Actually, it's quite a relief. I really like the feeling... sort of more calm and self-assured. Not the best picture of either of us, but it's nice because it captures that moment in time that is forever gone.

december photo project 2008: day fifteen

2008-12-15T20:29:00.000-06:00

I've decided this last week of school before break that I might have to "cheat" and post old pictures. This is one of my favorite shots of my sister Jessica and me. This was taken on the deck at my grandparents' lake cabin in Minnesota. Some of my best memories come from our summer trips up to the lake.

december photo project 2008: day fourteen

2008-12-14T20:24:00.000-06:00

Busy day today -- church, grocery shopping , Christmas shopping, time with my family, dinner, and watching Survivor. I didn't take any pictures, so I thought I'd post a picture of Alice taken almost exactly one year ago.

december photo project 2008: day thirteen

2008-12-13T16:06:00.000-06:00

I took Alice to see Santa today. She wasn't thrilled.

december photo project 2008: day twelve

2008-12-12T20:52:00.001-06:00

Took a personal day today thinking I could finish my Christmas cards and move on to many other holiday tasks. I worked from around 9:00 until 3:30, and I'm still only 2/3 of the way through my cards. I think next year I'll go back to ordering them from Flickr or something.

december photo project 2008: day eleven

2008-12-11T19:37:00.000-06:00

We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner -- one of Alice's favorites.

I love this grumpy look she gives us!

december photo project 2008: day ten

2008-12-10T17:55:00.000-06:00

Ha! So, I'm not really a cell phone person, as some of you may know. In that realm, I am very tech-un-savvy (don't think that's a word, but you get the point). Anyway, I've had my current phone for, hmmm, 6 months(?), and until today I'd taken only 3 pictures with it. Alice and I went to the doctor today for her 18 month check-up, and I forgot my real camera. The cell phone camera came in handy, but I wasn't sure how to get the pictures off of it. I came home, figured out how to transport the pic from the phone to the internet, and then posted it here, only to realize the picture is blurry. I took a few others that probably aren't blurry, but I'm not sure I have the energy to go through the whole process again.

The doctor's visit went well. Alice is in the 85th percentile for weight and the 97th percentile for height. The doctor said she will probably be 5'8" or taller! I guess she takes after her daddy -- tall and thin.

december photo project 2008: day nine

2008-12-09T19:56:00.000-06:00

Valentino's has become a weekly occurrence in our household. Actually, it has replaced dining out. Alice is just too difficult to manage in a restaurant these days, so, since it really isn't enjoyable anymore, it seems like such a waste of money to eat out.

We order 1/2 Super Special without ham, 1/2 Chicken Formaggio. Also, we MUST specify that we want a 16" large since Valentino's has recently developed a ploy to rip customers off. Get this, they began making a 14" large (which is much, much smaller), which they sell for a couple dollars less than the 16", and when a person orders a "large" this is what they give him. THIS MAKES ME SO MAD!!! :)

december photo project 2008: day eight

2008-12-08T19:26:00.001-06:00

I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this Christmas card project. We'll see.

december photo project 2008: day seven

2008-12-07T17:08:00.001-06:00

Today was the day we tried to capture some photos for our Christmas card. Tried is the operative word. Alice just loves to move these days. We did take some nice family pictures using the timer on my camera. Hopefully I'll be able to use one/some of those for our cards.

have to share this!

2008-12-07T13:29:00.000-06:00

Because this isn't a "photo," I'm not using it for the December Photo Project, but it was too cute not to share! This is Justin playing tea party with Alice. He plays like this with her a lot, but not usually with this much gusto! They had been playing like this for about ten minutes before I came in to shoot the video. He's such a great dad!

december photo project 2008: day six (posted a day late!)

2008-12-07T13:08:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Alice and I traveled to Manhattan Kansas to visit my Friend Livia and her daughter Nissa. Our visit was in honor of Nissa's fourth birthday. It was very challenging traveling alone with a toddler! It made me realize how fortunate I am to have Justin around to help me. Even my pictures reflect how trying it was to take care of Alice alone. All of them were taken while keeping a close eye on her as she ran around and terrorized the room!

At the front of this picture, you will see Alice's painting. Her first painting experience was short-lived because she started splashing paint and water onto the canvas of the boy next to her. He wasn't pleased!

Here is Alice holding Nissa's princess wand. She thought it was pretty cool!
Here's Livia helping Nissa blow out the candles on her princess cake.

december photo project 2008: day five

2008-12-05T18:54:00.000-06:00

Thought I'd dazzle you with some photos of work.

This is my office...

This is the courtyard. Can't you just feel the ambiance? They "capped" it sometime during the 1980's. At one point, while our current structure was being built, the old "Omaha High School" was smack dab in the middle of this space. Just before they built the 4th side of our current building, they tore down the old building, and the courtyard was born!

And here is beautiful Central High School!

december photo project 2008: day four

2008-12-04T18:37:00.000-06:00

Alice likes to give Daddy his lunch box every morning as he heads out the door. It's one of her "jobs." She is also very fond of her hat and gloves right now. Until recently, she REFUSED to wear anything on her head.

december photo project 2008: day three

2008-12-03T19:05:00.001-06:00

I took this picture this morning before Justin and I headed off to work. We have very little time in the morning to do anything other than our "routine." If we get done early, we'll play with Alice before we head off into the craziness of our work days. You'll notice Alice is only wearing one sock -- Justin was in the middle of putting on her socks and shoes. I wanted to take pictures of Alice today because she's wearing a sweater knitted by my sister-in-law, Jen. Justin's family never ceases to amaze me with their craftiness! Jen knitted this sweater for Alice last Christmas, but it fits her perfectly this year!

I included this picture to document the haircut I got today. I am not in love with the cut, so I put on this bandanna to hide the truth from myself for at least tonight. I'll deal with it tomorrow. What is a person supposed to do when she REALLY doesn't like her haircut? This is the first time this has happened to me. Hmmm...

december photo project 2008: day two

2008-12-02T19:24:00.000-06:00

Today's photo documents our new obsession, Wii Fit. Justin and I have fallen into the tradition of buying ourselves a family present instead of agonizing over finding the perfect individual gifts for each other. This year, I suggested a gym membership. Justin was skeptical about whether we would actually have the motivation to head to the gym after long days at work, and he suggested we invest in Wii Fit. I must say that I was skeptical of this idea. It seemed to me this was just a way for him to weasel a game system out of our "family present" investment. I went along with it, though, and I'm really glad I did! The Wii Fit is fun, and I can actually feel it working. Ever since I got pregnant with Alice, I have gotten progressively more and more out of shape. I've never been one to enjoy physical activity, but there was a time in my life (3 times, actually) where I was able to ride my bike 500 miles across the state of Nebraska. Sadly, this is no longer the case. I find myself winded if I have to go up to the 4th floor at work! Uh, yeah, time to get my butt in shape! According to the Wii Fit, my BMI places me smack dab in the middle of the "overweight" category, and taking my balance into consideration, my initial Wii Fit age was 46. This was a huge wake up call for me! I *hope* Wii Fit will captivate me for at least a few months so I can work on fitting back into my clothes! :)

december photo project 2008: day one

2008-12-01T18:58:00.000-06:00

I've decided to participate in the December Photo Project 2008 hosted by my friend Kristin's sister-in-law. This will be good for me. It will force me to do two things I don't often do: 1) Capture the ordinary. 2) Update my blog more frequently. I'm not sure I'll be able to post every day, but I'm going to give it my best shot!

Today's photo documents my constant struggle -- to flash or not to flash. I don't like the harshness of the flash, but I don't like the graininess of not using it either. ARGH.

For today's pictures, I decided to forgo the flash, but I really don't like how the pictures turned out. I think I'll have to use the flash for the rest of the month if I take pictures inside.

Here's Alice and our Christmas tree. I brought home the tree yesterday. Usually I am so picky about the tree. This year, however, I was impressed with my efficiency. I started my tree search at around 2:3o, and I was done decorating it a little after 5:00! I spent 10 minutes , tops, picking out the tree. Amazingly, I love the tree. Apparently a painful search isn't a necessity for a nice looking tree... I'll have to remember this next year.

alice's "job"

2008-11-22T21:23:00.001-06:00

A week or so ago, Justin gave Alice her first real job, feeding our dog, Gabby. Little did we know she would take this job so seriously. First thing in the morning and first thing when we get home from her babysitter everyday, Alice grabs the dog's food dish and heads for the food storage area. We put two scoops in the bowl, and then Alice is supposed to put the dish back in its holder. A couple days ago, Alice decided she wanted to feed the dog piece by piece. The above pictures were taken on the day she decided this would be a good idea. I love how she opened her mouth each time she offered a piece of food to the dog -- too cute! She also decided to taste the food for herself (I didn't get a picture of this), but luckily she didn't like the taste of dog food. After allowing her to feed the dog like this for a day, we decided it was probably not the safest thing for Alice to be doing. Now, after we fill up the dish, we literally have to pry it out of Alice's little hands, and then, inevitably, a temper tantrum ensues. I suppose she will get used to this after a few days.

Also new this week, Alice has been speaking in short sentences. She says things like "more juice," "thank you Mommy," and "where are you, Grandma." I am so proud of her! I'll have to get a video of this, because it's truly impressive. What a big girl!

finally! a cure for my internet obsession

2008-09-30T21:27:00.000-05:00

Scrapbooking has officially taken over my life.

Here is the most recent example of my new time-suck activity.

long time no write

2008-09-12T20:18:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a few months since I typed a blog entry. Since my readership consisted of only one person (hi Kristin), I sort of let the blog slide. I'm thinking I ought to tell more people that this blog exists, and then maybe I would feel more inclined to update it.

The school year is back in full swing, and my "new" job has sort of lost it's glamor. I still love it, don't get me wrong, but I'm not in the honeymoon phase anymore. Also, during the summers I seem to forget how draining work is. I come home from work, play with Alice, eat dinner, put Alice to bed, and then veg on the couch for a few hours before I fall into bed. The next day it starts all over again.

There is very little time these days for anything other than work and taking care of Alice. I have been spending much more time scrapbooking, however, and have spent less time on the internet. This was a goal of mine, and I am proud that I have followed through with it. I feel like time spent cutting up paper and gluing it back together again in different configurations is a much more productive use of time. Yeah...

I really do feel, though, that scrapbooking (as lame and housewife-ish as it is) has finally provided me with a creative outlet, something that has been missing in my life for MANY years. As anyone in my life could attest to, I LOVE photos. I also have an artsy flare to myself that has been hiding since high school, and scrapbooking has allowed my photo love to meld with my creative side. I'm actually pretty pleased with the pages I have created! I have become a bit obsessed with all of the cute scrapbooking "embellishments" though, and I am quickly developing a stash of materials larger than my stash of photos needing to be "scrapped." Oh well, everyone deserves a hobby, and finally, I am one of those hobby people!

Otherwise, besides work and scrapbooking, there isn't much going on around here. I turned 31, and Justin and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I went up to Minnesota to visit my grandparents.... Other than that, I'm drawing a blank.

How long until winter break?!?...

Here are some recent photos of our now mobile Alice. She is extremely difficult to capture with still photography... she runs away from me before I can take the pictures!

summer

2008-06-19T11:34:00.000-05:00

Finally we are deep within the lazy days of summer. We've had about 3 weeks of break so far, and, just like all time these days, it's gone so fast. BRAN was last week, and ever since we got home, it's been a whirlwind of scheduled events and necessary home improvement shopping. today is one of the first true lazy days. Slept till 8:30, stayed in bed while Alice played until 9:30, and now here at 11:30, Alice is down for her morning nap. There are always things I *should* be doing, but I think I'll stay right here for awhile.

We picked out our new carpeting last night, and the night before we purchased our new washer and dryer. I've been very proud of our thriftiness. We found the exact washer/dryer set we wanted in the scratch and dent room @ The Mart, and we purchased our carpeting at Joe's Carpet at an amazingly lower price than we found at both Kelly's carpet and Nebraska Furniture Mart. It always makes me feel better about purchases when I feel like I've gotten a good deal. By next week, we should have our basement painted and carpeted! Alice will finally have a play room. Awesome.

Here are some of my favorite recent pictures.

Alice is one!

Hanging out with her Mills aunts.

At the zoo with Kristin and Madeleine.
BRAN -- she figured out the camel back!

BRAN -- walking with Aunt Jen.

BRAN -- on a school bus w/ Daddy.

At the Botanical Gardens.

an imaculate house is a sign of a misspent life.

2008-05-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

Justin and I took Alice to the park today instead of cleaning the house. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Nonetheless, the house does need to be cleaned one of these days. With the DC trip, graduation, and the craziness of the end of the school year, our house has been severely neglected. And to think -- I'm supposed to have a birthday party here next weekend. Ha! I suppose I'll just have to bite the bullet and get it done. Tomorrow.

Here are some pictures of today and other recent events. For some reason beyond my control, they are in a rather random order. Oh well. Deal.

Special Screening of a 3D IMAX film at the Air and Space Museum

Christy at the Capitol

Graduation! I had to copy Kristin and take a pic w/ Alice wearing THE HAT.

Graduation! My guests.

At the PAEMST awards ceremony. Our last night in DC.

Alice was mesmerized by these seed pods in our front yard.

At a dinner at the US Deparment of State. Fancy.

Today's park excursion.

Today at the park.

At the zoo on Mother's Day. Daddy bought this fancy backpack with some of his prize money.

At the park today.

Mother's Day at the zoo. Alice loved this nice "doggy."

alice's new smile

2008-04-19T21:26:00.000-05:00

Alice has developed a new smile. She uses this smile only when she thinks we're being truly ridiculous and strange. It's pretty cute, we think!

poor sick alice

2008-04-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

Alice has a stomach bug, and let me just say it's not pretty. Just today she's dirtied all of her sleepers, all of her sheets, both of her mattress pads, and four of my shirts. She's also getting pretty upset about not getting real food. This has been going on since Friday. I'm not sure what we'll do if we can't get her to start holding things down. I'm in pretty good spirits about it right now, but I've been pretty worried about her. It's just so hard because she can't tell me how she feels or what hurts. On top of the puking and pooping, she also has two ear infections and is teething. This is not a fun time to be Alice.

I decided I had to capture her sickness on camera... Here she is taking a nap in her crib. Notice the quilt? That's in there because all 3 of her sheets and both of her mattress pads are in the wash. She dirties them faster than we can clean them! She's taken to sleeping in this position. Just before I snapped this picture, she had her face buried in the mattress. Not sure how that could be comfortable, but at least we're mostly beyond the age where I have to worry about SIDS. Poor baby.

spring has sprung!

2008-04-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

Justin took Alice for her first bike ride today!

... And I'm lounging here on the couch as they cruise the Keystone Trail. Gotta love Spring Break!

i loves me some consignment sales

2008-04-04T21:28:00.001-05:00

Alice says, "Hooray for Mommy. She finds good deals, and I get new toys!"

I have been bitten by a terrible bug... I am absolutely, positively addicted to consignment sale shopping. It started last year when I was pregnant, and it's gotten worse. Much worse. If I was able to control myself, I would be saving our family oodles of money. Even with the insane amount of clothing I've purchased, I think I would still have spent more on a modest wardrobe of full priced name brand clothes. I rationalize my purchases in a number of ways. For example, I view consignment shopping as a sort of hobby. Justin rides bikes, brews beer, etc. He spends money on his hobby. Buying baby clothes is my hobby, and, in fact, I believe I spend less on this "hobby" than Justin does on his. Frankly, Justin doesn't seem to care about the money. However, for some reason, I feel guilty about the excessiveness and indulgence of consignment sale shopping. Another justification I have grown fond of is how "green" consignment shopping is. I am saving the planet by buying used clothing! On the flipside, though, my excess is only serving to model over-consumption for Alice. The vastness of Alice's wardrobe is almost an embarrassment to me... And to think, there are still 2 sales left this season!!! *Drool*

easter

2008-03-24T20:18:00.001-05:00

Until this year, Easter didn't really do much for me as a holiday. Having Alice around really changes things. It was really fun to "do" Easter this year. Easter dresses and Easter baskets just scratch the surface of what I mean. It's really amazing to attempt to see the world through the eyes of our child. Everything is so new and fresh for her. With each new development, I think, "It can't get much better than this," and Alice continues to prove me wrong. Justin and I are in for the ride of our lives, and I don't think either of us could be more pleased.

On a side note, Alice is perhaps just days away from taking her first steps. She is much more sure of herself, and her strength and balance improve so much every day! It's really amazing to see how quickly she changes... It's almost scary how fast time is flying by.